What NOT to do during "Return of the King":

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."

3. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

4. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

5. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

6. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

7. In The Two Towers, when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

8. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!"

9. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

10. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

11. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

(Numbers 4, 7 and 8 just kill me.)